Friendship

Friendship

Who is a friend?

What does friendship mean to You?

Is friendship also a kind of relationship?

Is friendship important for well being of an individual.?

What is the formula of good friendship?

Do we really need friends?

Well

Well

Well….

Some may find all these questions funny, while some may still be looking for some answers.

Its all a perspective, its all about our needs

its all that and so much more.

Chalo - lets try and understand some basic facts and funda and how they match up to our desires, wants and/ or our expectations!!

So who is a friend?

A person you like, wish to connect with, off and on, wish & want to meet him often, you feel comfortable with! You share positive vibes with him/ her, and yearn to spend more n more time together.

So now… 

 

What is friendship?

Its a state of ongoing affection, they should look at each other with esteem/intimacy/and have a lot of trust between each other.

Friendship is not a one time event.  It is a continuing, ongoing relationship.

ARISTOTLE  (the greatest philosopher they say who lived on earth) suggests that the traditional idea of friendship has three components:

1. Friends must enjoy each others company.

2. Must be useful to one another.

3.They must share a common commitment to the good of each other.

Lets now take a look at the Formula for a good friendship:

Proximity, Frequency, Duration, and Intensity.

Lets see further:

Friendship=Proximity x (Frequency + Duration)x Intensity.

What are the three rules of friendship?

1. Relationship must be long lasting.

2.It needs to be a positive relationship.

3.It should be cooperative ie.. some form of give and take should be there.

Varied nomenclature of friends 

so now lets see..friends can be called by various names...

Bosom friend, close buddy, companion, confidant, dear friend, pal, soul mate!!

Lets look further :

 

What are the signs of a true friend?

1. Good friends accept you for who you are.

2. Good friends stick  around  you  whether they are good times / bad times.

3. Real friends come on their own to celebrate LIFE with you.  (need no invitation)

4. True friends will create time to visit you, how so ever busy they them selves will be,

like wise , will also understand your situation should u be unable to visit him.

5. Real true friend will tell you the truth ,even if you do not like it.

6. A true friend will always encourage you to achieve your goals.

7. A good friend will understand you, support you in your toughest of times, cheer you when your energy levels are at an all time LOW.

8. He is not your family member, but can be trusted like one! His presence makes you feel protected/ safe

9.  A good friend is one you can seek out for advise / guidance when ever in doubt.

In a NUT SHELL:

He is a boon in your life !!!

Truly good friends are hard to find, difficult to leave and impossible to forget”

Phrases containing the word  ‘FRIEND’

Childhood friend/A friend in need is a friend indeed/A friend of the court/ Best friend/family friend/  Just a friend/Fair weather friend/ Occupational friend/ Circumstantial friend and so many more....

We can probably say that friends give us confidence, bolster our sense of self, especially during tough times, they increase our purpose and belonging, and also significantly improve some of our most important behaviors!

so we can say that we are in a very important relationship, technically- that is characterized by positive interpersonal qualities such as kindness, generosity, loyalty and honesty. This relationship will be long lasting only if element of trust, faith, open mindedness, are always maintained.

The bond should be reciprocal, and off and on interventions should be a process, but should  it for some reasons be a one way process, the other without grudge or prejudging should reach out and try and make the other party open up and speak out.

Speaking out, letting your bosom pal into what’s troubling you most will lighten your heart and help your relationship of friendship grow closer.

Friendship can also exist between members of the same family provided they fulfill all the same .

Friendship is not obligatory . Two individuals choose to form a friendship keeping in mind the criteria which govern the friendship rules.

 

Friendship across the life span

Friendship plays an important part in the human development and adjustment across the life span.

Friendship exists in practically every stage of development although the form, intensity and duration may wary.

Friendship : Quality, quantum of time spent, at the toddlers age,  preschool, and early kindergarden stage will be different when you compare with quality, level of friendship found between friends during  mid school to high school, yet again , friendship quality ,volume & intensity will depend upon the school teams for various activities / sports events, here, you will find that the friendship quality and volume and intensity will also depend upon circumstances and situations.

Next is high school to early adulthood where long lasting friendships take birth and the seriousness of understanding , assessing the individual starts taking shape in your own mind and psyche.

Adolescence sees a tumultuous twist in assessing relationships and trying to understand people as friends. There is an attraction towards the opposite sex and friendships may take on a new meaning.

Adulthood, maturity onset friendships are decided by meaningful enactments of life and you make / break friends as per requirements and situations and how life pans out for you.

How many friends are lost / forgotten permanently as life cascades along, and how many lurk in the cobwebs of your mind with a yearn to catch up to them only the mind, the time ,the availability/affordability and space in life knows.

I am 68 year young today

Thanks to internet/Facebook/ whats app I have reconnected with quite a few.

I do remember so many, but they are in that mode  where I'm still looking for them.

At 68, do I still have my child hood friend connection?

Thanks to Facebook…YES(very recently connected -2yrs ago)

Do I have connection with my school age friends…yes..(2 of them)

College days ..yes, we re connected by a common batch group, kind courtsey  the internet world

As I traversed my life in the last 5 decades, picked up many friends, but drifted apart, and once we rebonded, there was bonhominess, warmth, love n fondness for each other.

At 68. What is the meaning of friendship for me?

A FRIEND IS ONE I STILL WANT TO CONNECT WITH, SPEND TIME WITH,

I met my childhood friend after 55 years,

Life had played its toll on her as well. We just clung to each other and wept for several minutes. There was so much to talk, but nothing was coming out. Her grand daughter was awestruck seeing us with tears streaming down our faces, by the time we relaxed and opened up and just about started excitedly talking about child hood reminiscences, the day soon vanished, and it was time for me to leave

Yet to meet again. But yes I found my BEST FRIEND.

HOW MANY FRIENDS DO I HAVE NOW?

Plenty on one side, and very few if u ask my mind.

As I unravel myself, as I look back into history, there are many a contacts in my contact list. Many an acquaintances that I got connected with, many of them did become friends with me and like wise:

Time ,tide, travel, frequent transfers first of my father and subsequently of my husband(did I mention that both my father and my husband were in the Army),hence the frequent transfers, we moved frequently, picked up new contacts (some I befriended, some I continued into correspondence friendship…you know we all had to communicate through INLAND LETTERS and envelopes..right!!),

years folded into decades n now as I look back,

Where are my friends?

I see today a whale lot of people in my mobile contact list. Are they all my friends?

Can I talk to them daily?

Friends most of them are / were fair weather friends/ circumstantial friends/ some need me/ I need some. …that's how the list is so long.

True friends,, are hardly there. Can u name how many will run to come to your side on your first ring.

How many will run to help you financially when in a crisis, and if he/ she cannot help financially, would he/ she create extra time for you when in duress!!

Does not this narrow down the list of friends further!

All these are grey areas , the better thing would be is TRY not to explore this avenue. It will only lead you to realize that

 Dost ..Dost na rahaaa

 Pyaar pyar na raha…

These topics are never ending..

These topics need loads of time …time to introspect, time to analyse first ourselves n then the others,

Have we been a true friend?

Have I stood the test of time?

Have I also not faltered many a time?

Have I also not shirked many a friend for being roped into something for which I may have to say “ No”

I can probably write on & on & on, but id like to curtail by saying…

I started to write a poem I guess in my last episode:

CHARGE OF THE LIGHT BRIGADE…

SOME LINES ID LIKE TO MODIFY…

TRUE DOST KAUN??

THERE IS NOT TO REASON WHY, THERE IS BUT TO DO & DIE..

INTO THE WEB OF DOSTANA…WE ALL HAVE ALIGHTED TOGETHER.

SO THERE IS NOT TO REASON WHY, THERE IS EVERY REASON TO HOLD HARDER AND ABIDE.

DOST WAHI - JO SAMAY PAR AAP KA HAATH THAAM KE AAPKO SAHARA DE

DOST WAHI - JO SAWAAL NA POOCHEY

DOST WAHI - JO AAP KO SAMJHEIN

DOST WAHI - AAP BHI CHAR PANKTIYAAN IS ME JOD SAKTEY HO…

Par, ab dekho..

How many such friends do you have today?

I will come back on this highly sensitive and a very imp subject at a later date where in we will try and analyse who is actually your true friend?

But I want to leave you with a home work.

Look back into your own self, your own past…

How many true friends do you really have??????

Happy thinking…..